"I have a very serious problem that I wish to talk about and no, it's not my drinking."  Mystic Psychic Misty Merkel.

"I don't have an alcohol consumption problem. ...I have an alcohol acquisition problem."  Mystic Psychic Misty Merkel.
 

"Big Foot eggs are best before they are laid."   Mystic Psychic Misty Merkel

HUMOR NEWS NUTS DEFINITION OF SATIRE

"Satire isn't flattery, it's ridicule."

FROM THE MICHIGAN LIZARD MONSTER

"The lizard monster is getting bigger and feeding more." By Ted Colin

"Lizard monster from the mist,
In my dreams your face persists,
You turn my mind from thoughts of good,
To your evil ways out in the wood,"
Comments from Lizard Creature Victim Mrs. Elliot Blinder.

"...get over your problem space monkey" 
 Mystic Psychic Madam Misty Merkel.